Zuzanna Szatanik is the Assistant Director of Studies at International House Bielsko-Biała Poland

A brief summary of the talk

In 2017, I attended a conference entitled “Vulnerabilities” organized by the University of Silesia. Although the paper I presented there focused on the connection between vulnerability and femininity specifically, it was around that time that I realized how broad the interest in vulnerability had been among researchers in different fields. Before I was asked to present at the IH Bielsko-Biała Teacher Training Day, however, I had never pondered the specific kind of vulnerability which is inscribed within the experience of teaching. And yet, I have often felt very vulnerable as a teacher. The feeling is multifaceted; I feel vulnerable when I stand in front of my students, when I am observed and evaluated, and even when I try to improve my teaching qualifications (and re-play the role of the student). The feeling is also as unpleasant as it is inescapable, at least for me. For this reason, in my presentation at the Teacher Training Day I tried to de-shame vulnerability and see it not as a sign of weakness but a potential for building a truer and deeper relationship with my students, which would enhance - rather than hinder - the learning process. Drawing on the fact that the motto was “from the heart,” I organized my talk around my personal experiences both as a teacher and as a learner.

How you felt before the conference

So far I have attended over 40 conferences and co-organized a few. This, however, does not translate into me liking to speak in public, or feeling at ease when doing so. I am always in a lot of stress before conferences, which is why I tend to rely on a written text and avoid improvising. The fact that the conference was held online did not change much for me in this regard.

What your feelings were during the talk itself

Luckily, there were no technical problems, which I feared (a few days earlier a squirrel had bit through my fiber-optic cable during one of my online lessons). It certainly did feel strange to talk to empty space (I felt much better once people started adding their comments in the chat box). The fact that my talk was personal rather than academic also contributed to my insecurity:  I could not hide – as much as I would have liked to – behind other people’s words. The opening part of my presentation was, therefore, quite nerve-wracking for me. The further I went with it, however, the more comfortable I felt.

Post-conference reflections

Given the chance to present online again, I would think of better ways to engage my listeners. I liked how the other speakers asked questions to their audience, encouraging them to express their ideas and input their answers in the chat box. That being said, I am definitely not on the lookout for further speaking opportunities – I am in the hideout from them. As conference participation is, however, part of my job description I had better find a way to enjoy it. The best part was all the kind comments I received from my listeners, and Chris Walker’s encouragement and support before, during, and after the conference.

Please check the The Art and Skills of the Humanistic Teacher Trainer course at Pilgrims website.